Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
