I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Randomize
