I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
