was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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