I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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