we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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