am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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