You're so nebulous sometimes
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
