She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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