You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Randomize
