my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just tell him i said nine months
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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