I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
