How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
