So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
