The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
