just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
