Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
