Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
