he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
