so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
