you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
