the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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