I need to stop coming to work sober
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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