guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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