he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
