My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
