so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
