thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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