I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
