I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
