Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
