I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
