Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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