do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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