I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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