Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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