I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
