Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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