she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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