I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
only if we run a train.
done.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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