Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
