Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
