Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
