Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
