i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
