Where are you?
In a non slutty way
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
