we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
