im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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