I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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