My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
