People in love make me want to vomit
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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