I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just high enough for therapy.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
