Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
