i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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