i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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