I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
