Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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