Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I need a beard to bite.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
