Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
