I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
