how can u be prego again
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
