My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
