I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
