He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
