Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
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If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
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Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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