he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
